Tag Archives: family

Running From the Beat of My Own Heart

On an otherwise unremarkable Sunday in January, my heart decided it was auditioning for a drum solo in a heavy metal band. It was beating so erratically that I half-expected it to start flashing neon lights. Thankfully, I had my trusty Apple Watch, which promptly informed me that I was in atrial fibrillation—or AFib, as the cool kids call it. Never having experienced this particular thrill ride before, I did what any self-respecting adult would do: I called my mom. Naturally, she dispatched my dad, who happens to be a physician, to come and assess the situation.

Meanwhile, my husband was an hour away at a wrestling meet with our son, leaving me at home with a seven-year-old and a three-year-old. The idea of dragging them to the ER was laughable—imagine trying to explain to triage why one child is climbing the IV stand while the other is attempting to commandeer the defibrillator.

Dad arrived but couldn’t make heads or tails of my heart’s newfound jazz improvisation. He stuck around for a bit to make sure I didn’t keel over, and since the chaotic rhythm eventually subsided, I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon lying low on the couch. It was not exactly how I’d envisioned my weekend.

Hours later, when my husband finally returned home, my heart decided it wasn’t done with its antics. This time, it felt like it was attempting to launch me into orbit with its out-of-sync throbbing. Dad came back for Round Two of “What Is My Daughter’s Heart Doing Now?” and after 20 minutes of watching my pulse behave like a malfunctioning metronome, he declared it was time for the ER.

The car ride was a blur of breathlessness and sheer terror. I’d read enough about AFib to know it wasn’t something you wanted to mess around with—another stroke and cardiac arrest weren’t exactly on my bucket list. By the time we arrived at the hospital (mercifully empty), they whisked me straight into triage for an EKG. My heart rate was doing its best impression of a roller coaster: up, down, loop-de-loop.

In no time, I found myself hooked up to an array of machines that beeped ominously, as though auditioning for a sci-fi movie soundtrack. My heart rate settled at a steady 135 beats per minute but occasionally dropped into the 70s just to keep the nurses on their toes. Eventually, they dosed me with medication that calmed things down enough for me to be admitted.

And let me tell you, there’s no lonelier place on Earth than a hospital room at night. My husband went home to stay with the kids—it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day the next morning, so at least there wasn’t school to worry about—but that left me alone with nothing but my thoughts and an endless parade of nurses interrupting any attempt at sleep.

After three days of tests and sleepless nights, the verdict was in: my AFib wasn’t caused by anything as fixable as diet or exercise but rather by an electrical glitch in my heart. The solution? A cardiac ablation scheduled for the end of the month—because nothing says “fun” like heart surgery.

In the meantime, I’ve been navigating life on new medication while trying not to panic every time my heart skips a beat. Running—my beloved escape—has taken a backseat to teaching my kids how to dial 911 and writing a will (just in case). It’s a strange limbo: part fear of what’s next and part determination to savor every moment until then.

Perhaps this is where all those miles I’ve run have led me—not away from problems but straight into their arms. It feels unfair sometimes, like my body has betrayed me after years of taking care of it. But until someone invents an alternative to living, I’ll keep showing up for this messy, unpredictable life.

Running from April Fools

I am, it seems, eternally surrounded by boys. Not just metaphorically, mind you—literally. They’re everywhere. I have three sons of my own, a husband who occasionally behaves like a fourth, and now, as if the universe thought I needed more chaos in my life, I’m coaching a boys’ volleyball team this spring. It’s as though some cosmic force has decided that my life’s soundtrack should be an endless loop of the word poop. Truly, the frequency with which I hear that word on any given day is enough to make even the most patient saint consider early retirement.

But here’s the thing about boys: they’re surprisingly easy to manage once you crack the code. Sure, they’re loud, messy, and occasionally baffling creatures, but they’re also refreshingly straightforward. Over the years, I’ve made a few observations about living in this testosterone-fueled circus. Consider this your guide to boy-wrangling:

1. They’re Predictable (Mostly)

Boys don’t tend to be particularly devious. They’re not plotting elaborate schemes or engaging in Machiavellian mind games. If you know where the dangers lie—sharp corners, precariously stacked objects, or that one kid who thinks he’s invincible—you can usually keep them in one piece. It’s less about strategy and more about constant vigilance, like living with a pack of hyperactive puppies.

2. The Five-Second Rule is Irrelevant

If it’s edible (or even vaguely resembles food), they’ll eat it. Dropped it on the floor? No problem. Found it under the couch? Even better! Boys have stomachs of steel and appetites that defy logic. I once saw one of mine eat half a sandwich he’d forgotten in his backpack for two days without so much as a second thought—or a stomachache.

3. They Speak First, Think Later

If there’s a filter between their brains and their mouths, it’s either malfunctioning or nonexistent. This habit is particularly grating to any girl within earshot, who will inevitably roll her eyes and mutter something about how boys are hopeless. And honestly? She’s not wrong.

4. Rocks Are Their Currency

I don’t know how or why this happens, but boys collect rocks as though they’re precious gemstones. You’ll find them everywhere—backpacks, pockets, jars, under couch cushions. Sometimes they’re special because they’re “shiny” or “cool,” but more often than not, they’re just regular old rocks that somehow hold immense sentimental value.

5. Practical Jokes Are Their Love Language

In my house, pranks are as essential as oxygen. As I sit here writing this from work, there is packing tape stretched across every doorway in my home—a delightful surprise left by my little April Fools enthusiasts. My mom has already reported that one of them walked straight into it (the irony is not lost on me). By the time I get home at 5:30 p.m., I fully expect to find at least one child tangled in tape like a fly caught in a spiderweb. This is my life.

And yet, despite the chaos—the noise, the messes, the endless supply of rocks—I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Life with boys is unpredictable and exhausting but also wildly entertaining. They keep me on my toes and remind me daily that laughter really is the best medicine… even if it’s occasionally at my own expense.

So here’s to boys: messy, lovable tornadoes of energy who will forever keep me guessing—and forever keep me laughing (even if it’s through gritted teeth).

This, folks, is why we run. I realize that April Fools’ Day is a metaphor for life itself—full of unexpected twists and turns, some humorous, others not so much. But running gives me the clarity to navigate these challenges with a bit more grace and a lot more humor. So, on this April Fools’ Day, I’ll keep running—both from the pranks and towards a clearer mind. After all, this is why we run: to find our footing in a world that’s always trying to trip us up.

Running from my Birthday

Ah, birthdays. Those peculiar annual rituals where we’re expected to celebrate the inexorable march towards our own mortality with cake and forced merriment. For most, it’s a day of joyous reflection and an excuse to indulge in socially acceptable gluttony. For me, it’s become a rather more complicated affair, thanks to a mischievous little cerebrovascular event that decided to gatecrash my party just as I was about to hit the big 3-9.

Picture, if you will, a scene of impending festivity. Balloons at the ready, candles poised for their fiery demise, and a cake so laden with sugar it could send a hummingbird into diabetic shock. But instead of blowing out candles, I found myself blowing bubbles in a hospital bed, my brain having decided to take an impromptu vacation without so much as a postcard.

The next few days passed in a haze of confusion and medical jargon, as if I’d suddenly been dropped into an episode of ER, but with significantly less George Clooney and a lot more bewildered mumbling. By the time I resurfaced, I felt compelled to inform my long-suffering husband that “something was definitely wrong.” I imagine his response was along the lines of, “You don’t say, dear. I thought lying comatose in a hospital was your new hobby.”

Now, birthdays and I have a relationship that’s about as warm and fuzzy as a cactus in a snowstorm. The stroke merely added an extra layer of complexity to our already strained association. It’s as if my birthday has become a sort of morbid anniversary, a day when I’m supposed to simultaneously celebrate my continued existence and mourn the person I used to be. It’s like trying to have a party in a funhouse mirror maze – disorienting, slightly nauseating, and with an unsettling sense that you’re not quite who you thought you were.

I’m well aware that my attitude towards this annual milestone is about as cheerful as a wet weekend in Miami. But when you’ve spent over a year cataloging your deficits like some sort of neurological accountant, it’s hard to muster enthusiasm for party hats and noisemakers.

And let’s not forget the baby – my third little bundle of joy, who had the misfortune of being born just 6 weeks before his mother decided to audition for a medical drama. I missed out on all those precious newborn moments – the sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, the spit-up on every clean shirt. It’s enough to make a person weep, or at least wish for a time machine and a neurologist on speed dial.

So here I am, forever 39, stuck in a perpetual loop of birthday ambivalence. It’s a day that serves as a stark reminder of what was lost, what was gained, and the peculiar journey of rediscovering oneself post-stroke. But who knows? Perhaps one day I’ll embrace the occasion with the enthusiasm of a labrador at a tennis ball factory. Until then, I’ll be here, blowing out candles and silently thanking my stubborn brain for sticking around for another year of this bizarre adventure we call life.

March 1st, 2018

A day I would hope to start out with my first run post-pregnancy turned out to be a day spend on the couch. Oz and I both have a terrible cold. I was up with him most the night, and both of us are wildly uncomfortable, needing nose wiping and coughing up a storm.

I somehow managed to do a load of laundry, and cook some bacon for dinner while Cub danced to Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber videos on YouTube. Someone taught him to do the twist, and now he is twisting up a storm!

Taxes are weighing heavy on me because of medical bills, etc. I know I’ll figure it out, but boy is there lots of stress related to it.

I have been dying all day for chocolate, but since I can’t eat chocolate (I am now Dairy and Soy free because of Oz), I feel deprived and angry. Exactly why I need to run! Something’s gotta give!

Why the events of 2014 are making my 2015 even better

I am usually a very sentimental person around this time of year. I like to reflect on the past year, but I love looking forward to what the next year will hold for me. This year has been a little bit different than normal. I haven’t really felt that way this year, for multiple reasons of which I thought I would share with you.

dsc_8518 (1)Reason #1: I got married!
That was of course a major life changing event, and something that I had been hoping for for a very long time. There is a level of satisfaction that comes with marking that milestone off you list of things to accomplish in the future. The fear of being alone is long gone, and I think that is the void that was filled more than the need to have a diamond ring and a fancy wedding dress. I couldn’t be happier about the path my love life has taken. Having a witness to all the good and bad that we have to wade through year after year is totally worth the heartbreak and pain you go through in your dating life.

Reason #2: I have a home!
This is hard to explain, but every place that I have lived (Cleveland, Parsons, San Jose) has never felt like where I was going to stay. Something inside of me always said that it was just a temporary stop on my way to my final location. Because I always had that in the back of my head, I also was extremely reluctant to completely unpack. I put stuff away, but I never made it my own. When I moved into Chas’ house back in May, there was a sense of relaxation in placing everything where it needed to go. I finally felt like the space was mine, and not just a stepping stone. I am sure this isn’t where we will live for the rest of our lives together, but for now, it is perfect for a newly married couple, 2 English bulldogs and a tuxedo cat.

Reason #3: I’m having a baby!
First comes love, then comes marriage. Well we have almost completed the final step of this school yard rhyme. So many people have said something to the affect of, “Man, you guys didn’t wait long!” We have been together for 7 years and were smart enough and responsible enough to wait until we were married to get pregnant, and now they are hassling us because we got pregnant three months after we got married! Suck it people! At least this baby will have two unbelievably committed parents in a loving relationship… I tell you. You just can’t win.

Reason #4: I don’t have to worry about my weight for the first 8 months of the year!
This has actually been a tough thing for me to comprehend. I am a fairly fit person, as can be deduced from the name of this blog, and telling yourself that it is ok to see extra pounds show up on the scale is not a easy mind switch. Of course I want to stay healthy and fit for my baby, but knowing that most of this year will be spent at a higher weight than I am used to is sort of a relief! My fitness goals are complete different from every other year of my life, and that is comforting, relaxing, and almost a bit satisfying.

Reason #5: I have new family members!
Friends that started the year as just my friends have quickly become family to both Chas and me. In January, I ran one of the toughest series races of my life, the Dopey Challenge (see previous posts for more information). My friends Darren, Bruce and Julie ran with me. Not only was that another life changing experience that happened in 2014, but it brought us extremely close together. They are now my family, and I have been lucky enough to get to spend quite a bit of time with Julie and her daughters in San Diego this year. I am so excited to be part of Darren and Bruce’s wedding in February, along with running the Glass Slipper Challenge with them and Julie at Walt Disney World that same weekend. As always, it will be epic!

My new extended family! Love them all!

Combine all 5 of these things into a person’s new year, and you have almost a perfect year on the horizon. I am sure there will be bumps in the road, but remembering all the good things about 2014 and the special things that are coming are sure to keep me focused on making 2015 the best year of my life… and my husband’s life… and my little lemon sized fetus’ life!

On to the next one! Cheers!

Another new stage is upon us

Note to Readers: This post was written on 11/2/2014, but was published once I felt it was safe to start telling people about “the news”.

 

Something totally amazing has happened. I thought it was tough to come to grips with the fact that I was actually married and living with another person, but last Wednesday, “coming to grips” brought on a whole new meaning.

I’m pregnant! That sentence can be terrifying, joyful, and nerve-wrecking all in the same sentence! It’s still sinking in that I am growing another human in my body. I am not just living for myself any more. Running, driving, eating… it all affects someone else now. Not only do I have to change my way of thinking, but I have to change my way of living.

Fortunately I am, in general, a very healthy person. I don’t drink, and never have. I do my best to get exercise daily, and while I don’t eat perfect, I am not at the drive-thru every day. My biggest changes are cutting out caffeine, getting more fiber and fruits and vegetables, and just listening to my body. I generally don’t like to take naps, but I am giving into the urge these days.

I didn’t have any symptoms when I decided to take the test, but for some reason just had a hunch I need to take one. Chas and I had been trying, as we are both in our 30’s, and I was desperately afraid that it might not happen for one reason or another. We got very lucky, and believe me, we are so grateful for the opportunity to be parents. That, unfortunately, doesn’t make it any less scary!

babyI have been feeling pretty good so far! I’ve had a little trouble sleeping lately, and the amount of bloat I have had to deal with is a bit ridiculous! A few headaches, some cramping, and the overall fear of gaining weight, but other than that, I am doing very well. Baby T is going to have a great home for the next 35 weeks… check that, the next 18 years, 35 weeks.

I really am excited about this change, and to start a family myself. I’m excited to see my dad as a grandfather, and my mom as a grandma. I am excited to bring our two families together again, just a year later to celebrate a new member of the family, and to feel all the love that I know they will all bring to us and our new baby. I’m excited for baby clothes and baby shoes, uncles and aunts, blankies and pacifiers. I’m even excited for breastfeeding, sleepless nights and dirty diapers. This is the dream, the thing I wanted my whole life: a family.

Lots of changes will be happening, and I am super excited to see where life is taking us.

 

Hind Sight is 20/20

Happy New Year everyone!

I just spent a few minutes reading my last post of 2012, the challenges I had listed for myself in 2013 and the struggles of the previous year. I don’t necessarily think that I became a better person in 2013, in fact, probably the opposite. It sounds awful to say that I feel like I have more hate in my heart that ever before. I am cynical and abrasive. I complain, and am often selfish.

And it feels like everyone around me is quite the opposite. This morning I started thinking about why 2014 will be a happier year for me. I figured if I posted my thoughts here, next year on this day, I will be able to reflect again on what they year has brought me.

My fiance is the most easy going, loving guy I’ve ever known. He is so happy and willing to take care of me, even when I am mean and in a bad mood. Sometimes I question why he would pick me. We have been through so much together over the past 7 years: deaths, births, sickness, financial issues, moves, controversy and baby puppies. We have made it through so much, and we finally get to be married in 2014. I couldn’t be happier and more excited for such a big life change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I definitely don’t give my family the amount of time they deserve. We are spread out all over the country, so we never get to spend enough time together, but with the wedding fast approaching, everyone will get to be together in the same place for a few days, and besides the actual marriage part, I am so excited about this.

This sounds funny, but my life is my work most of the time. It’s really all I have in California. So over the next year, I think work deserves less of my time. I have devoted that last 2 years of my life to it, and I feel like it is finally time that other things become the priority.

I love running so much, but I know that my fitness can be better. With the wedding just 7 months away, I definitely have some work to do to make myself happy.  But don’t worry, running more is definitely on that list.

If I do nothing else, but complete the Dopey Challenge, get married, and make family more a priority in my life, I will consider it a successful 2014.  So Peace and Love to you all in 2014. I hope you take what life gives you and turn it into something amazing!

2013: A Year of Many New Adventures

When you read the above title, you will undoubtedly know that this post is meant to sum up the amazing year I have had. Your second question may be why it was published at nearly 4 am. Well the Dopey Challenge is just around the corner, and I am up early to simulated race day activities, minus the running part. It is way to cold outside for that this early in the morning. None-the-less, I am just 8 days away from the biggest race I have ever run. I just got butterflies in my stomach typing that! It will be so much fun, and I really am looking forward to it.

With that being said, let’s do a little year in review, shall we?

January

I was fortunate enough to get to start the year with Chas and my puppies is Kansas, only for a day, but I believe you can’t start the year with someone you aren’t going to finish it with. There was quite a snow storm on New Year’s Eve, and we spent much of New Year’s Day playing with the puppies in the snow.

If Lucy misses and Milton gets the ball, it takes 10 minutes and some slobber reduction before you can start to play again.

It was only days later that I traveled to Orlando for the ‘then’ biggest race of my life, the Goofy Challenge at Walt Disney World. It was an awesome race, and I PRed by nearly 25 minutes. It was an amazing experience, and it got me excited to try something even more challenging this year.

Running down Main Street, USA during the half marathon. Nothing is more magical…

February

While I didn’t get to see my family for Christmas in 2012, I did get to spend some much needed time with them in February. My father got inducted into my high school athletic hall of fame. It was just a weekend, but to have everyone home was a great pick-me-up in the cold winter months.

Back Row: Ben, Me, Krissy, Brady. Front Row: Mom and Dad

March

I turned 30 in March, and to celebrate, I went BACK to the Happiest Place on Earth, this time with Chas, my mom and dad. We had a blast, relaxing, eating at all my favorite places, and enjoying a few quiet days.

Oddly enough, this picture would turn out to be a source of inspiration later in the year.

April

In April, I spent just about every waking minute planning for the 1st Annual Preppy Awards. This was a banquet honoring high school athletes through my job. It was a huge event… that I ended up planning in 6 weeks. Chas and I also spent a ncie weekend in Las Vegas, during a wrestling event, of course. No pictures here. I honestly don’t remember much of this month.

May

After finishing the Preppy’s in the middle of the month, I got a much needed break to spend some time back in Kansas for Memorial day with Chas and the puppies.

June

June was full of trips back and forth to Kansas. We hired on a new guy and decided to expand. I spent much of the month traveling, and at one point drove over 2,500 miles in just 2 days.

July

Wow, talk about a life-changing month. I ran a half marathon over the 4th of July, but got very sick about half way through and spend the rest of the day on the couch.  Shortly after that, Chas came for a visit, and this happened.

Perfection!

August

With school starting back up this month, work got crazy, and I went back to Kansas to start filming a reality show. I got to spend some time with the puppies while Chas was in Canada. Later in the month, we had a very nice engagement party at his parents house.

The answer to your question is no. I don’t know what is going on with my left arm.

September

With September came another race, the Disneyland Half Marathon. I PRed in the Half, but struggled toward the end of the race. My brother also moved in with me, which made for an interesting and fun rest of the year.

Getting ready to take Anaheim by storm!

October

Football season brings lots and lots of work to our office, and as the work ramped up, so did my running. It was a very successful month in many ways, but I struggled once again, but emotionally this time, as I got more and more involved in wedding planning. In fact, as I write this, October was the last month I did ANY planning for the wedding, and I am fine with that.

November

As football season wound down, basketball season ramped up! Work again was busy as always, and my running schedule met the challenge as well. I got to spend a wonderful Thanksgiving on top of Mt. Diablo with my brother, aunt and uncle. But the best part? Earlier that morning, we ran across the Golden Gate Bridge. It was one of the things on my bucket list, and I am so glad Brady and I got to do it together.

December

December has been a great month! For the first 3 weeks of the month, I worked and ran, and repeated. I spent some great time with my brother. And then, on December 19th, I flew back to Kansas with Rock and Roll (my cats) in tow. Since then, we have been a family again, snuggling, walking the dogs, and visiting my family back in Ohio for the holidays. It has been a wonderful year, and being only 8 days from the Dopey Challenge, I feel wonderful about the past year and the progress I have made with my running.

Like I always say, I never spend enough time putting my thoughts, feelings and the events of my life here in this blog, but I can always try harder over the next year. And that is exactly what I am going to do.

My brothers and sister, along with Katie, my brother’s girlfriend, and Chas, my fiance!

Have a safe and Happy 2014!