Keep Moving Forward…

keep_moving_forwardWelcome to January 2013! Hard to believe that 2012 has come to an end, but I am always up for a chance to reinvent myself again by setting new goals and objectives for the upcoming days. I am heading back to California today after spending the last two weeks in Kansas. I was so sad to have to leave, knowing that I am going back to my tedious days of work, running and sleep. With the ultra-marathon just 10 days away, I am trying to prepare my body for the task of running over 40 miles in a single setting. As overwhelming a task as that seems, I am so excited. After training for 6 months, early mornings, freezing temperatures, and more Clif shot blocks than a person can count, the moment that I have been waiting for. Temperatures are scheduled to be in the 60-70’s which brings up another challenge: deciding what to run in. The wrong gear seems to be the root of any problems I have running, so I will spend the next week trying to decide what feels best on the treadmill, and hoping that I will be able to fit it all into a suitcase for the trek from San Jose to Orlando.

My mom is meeting me down there, which I have mixed feelings about. This adventure is something that I know I couldn’t do without her. She takes great care of me and has great advice for any issues that may arise. But since the A-bomb got dropped in July, or should I say GAY-bomb, my relationship with my brother, and the rest of the family for that matter has not been the same. That news was not something that I was, or am, prepared to handle, and I still have very mixed feelings about it.

California has made me a must more cynical person, and I almost hate that about myself. Everything and everyone is so impersonal, which is so much different than in the Midwest where I grew up. But life there is what I consider actual reality: bad drivers, traffic jams, lots of Asians, rushed work schedules, and beautiful scenery. Haha, that’s a funny sentence. Oh well, freedom of speech, right? I miss the innocence of Kansas, the crazy weather, the flat land, and the hometown people. You never meet any farmers in San Jose, that’s for sure.

Anyway, like I listed in my last post, I have set some goals for myself this year in hopes that I expand my horizons, fill the hole that seems to be growing larger by the day, and enjoy the beautiful state that I have the wonderful opportunity to live in.

I plan to try to make it down to Disneyland at least once a month, since I have an annual pass and have only used it once so far. I also need to make it up to The City. I have been in San Jose for 6 months, and haven’t made any trips. I want to go places to run and take photos as I don’t think that I explore my surroundings enough. 1,500 miles in 2013 is my goal. I have .65 down, and 1499.35 to go…

I have a ton of travel planned this year, from Orlando to Ohio, Birmingham to hopefully Hawaii, I can’t wait to explore these locations a lot more. I am so excited for the possibilities that lay before me, and I am grateful that I have the opportunities to see and do so many things. 2013 is going to be epic! I just know it. And the best part… I am going to share it all here, with you.

Last Minutes of 2012

New_Year_2013There are approximately 50 minutes left in the year 2012. I have a lot of words to say about this year, like difficult, exciting, stressful, and many more, but I will spare you most of the mushy details of my year. Let’s just say that 2012 was a challenging year for me in many ways, and I am happy to see it go personally.

I am ready for a new start, and happy to say that I have many goals that I want to accomplish in the next year. Here are just a few that I am aiming for:

1. Because I am turning 30, I want to run 30 races within 2013.
2. I want to make it back to Hawaii in 2013.
3. I want to run 1,500 miles in 2013.
4. I want to do more craft projects… haha, i laughed too when I read that…
5. I promise to get my financial situation in order in 2013.

I think these are all attainable. I will just have to work a little harder. Another thing that I promise to do is give something to this blog every day. Ideally, I would like to start video blogging on a daily basis, and making a diary of my struggles, great moments and ideas. We will see how it all goes, and most importantly take it one day at a time.

Now that I have approximately 32 minutes till the new year, I am going to end this blog, snuggle with Chas and my puppies, and watch another episode of 30 Rock, because honestly, there is nothing in the world that I would rather do at this moment.

Happy New Year. Here’s to great accomplishments to come in 2013.

Overwhelming!

So I started this blog a while ago to more or less be able to write to myself, about what I was going through with my running, my life, and my normal every day. I am attempting to take classes online to finish my Master’s degree, and I am having a ridiculous amount of trouble. My professors will not email me back. I have no grade or assignments so far, and I feel complete lost and helpless. For some reason today is just an overwhelming day. I need direction. I thrive on getting things done! My frustration is growing. My running is not going how I planned it to. It is all just a lot.

On the other hand, I have so much to be grateful for. I have a job that I really do love, and that gives me the freedom to move and think outside the box. I have a great family, great friends, good health and everything I need. The abundance of thankfulness that I have for all in my life is also overflowing, and I know that every moment is perfect. This is how it is supposed to be, and I will make it through. There is no other option. I am living the story right now.

So much of my life revolves around Disney, and there are so many things that help me through moments like these:

Just Keep Swimming!

Keep Moving Forward!

There are a ton more, but I will spare you the Disney Pixar references for now. I am so lucky, and it is moments like these that I need to remember who I am and what I have.

How the West was Won…

So a lot has happened since the last time I wrote on this blog. I moved 1,600 miles across the country for a new job. I am now a California resident, and for the two weeks that I have been here, I have loved every minute of it. It is always fun to move someplace new. Reinventing yourself is something that I think everyone should get the chance to do. I am so grateful for this new opportunity.

Over the past year, I have worked so hard for so little money. I spent countless hours helping others, and I have truly been rewarded for my work. 80 hour work weeks plus school on top of it is just overwhelming sometimes. I have found myself again. I get to run, watch tv, and be creative in my new job. I am enjoying my life so much right now, and I am truly grateful for this wonderful opportunity.

I am hoping to post more about my training experiences from now on, so look for more to come.

Every New Beginning…

I had the opportunity to watch an amazing move 2 nights ago. It was called Spirit of the Marathon, and if followed the journey of 5 individuals as they trained, prepared and ran the Chicago marathon in 2004. It brought back so many good feeling of my training. After running a few races, I have come to realize why I keep doing it. I race to train, not train to race. The training is what makes you a stronger, more self-empowered person. The training is where you strength is gained. The race means nothing. That is hard to understand sometimes, but it is exactly how it should be… It’s not the destination. It’s the journey.

I have a marathon scheduled for September 2nd in Columbia, Missouri, and my official training starts next week. This was such an awesome way to gain momentum going into my training cycle. The summer will be hard. Hot, windy training will be the name of the game in Northwest Kansas. I am ready.

Bring on the challenge…

My Nose Bleed Run

So I have been doing well, lifting, running, getting in shape in general. I had a night off last night, and decided to walk my dogs, Lucy and Milton to the baseball game then run back home. The distance was just over a mile, not very far, but a good way to loosen up my legs after a few days of lifting heavy. We made our way to the game (a trick in itself with 2 bulldogs) and enjoyed the 80 degree evening watching the Fort Hays State Tigers beat Washburn.

A side note here: let me tell you, it is quite a workout with those 2 dogs. Both are about 45 lbs of solid English bulldog muscle, and they like to sniff and pee on stuff…

Finally the time came, and I took off on my run. It was a great run! My quads were a little tight, which I should have expected, and the felt tired, I’m assuming from lactic acid, but other than that, I was cruising. I got close to the house and decided I would just keep running for a bit longer.Unfortunately, my plans were suddenly derailed. My nose started running, which was unusual, since it wasn’t cold, and after wiping the drippiness on my hand, I realized that I was bleeding, and not just a little bit! My nose was pouring. I detoured my long run back to the house and took care of my crazy nose.

Who would have thought! I guess crazier things have happened… I have class tonight, but I may give it another shot.

And So it Begins…

Training is hard work, but I have yet to find anything in this world that feels more rewarding when you are done. I love lifting, I love running, I love practice. I am now training MMA, and I can’t wait to actually get to use it in competition. Finding a way to push my body is something that I crave. I’ve started doing some shadow boxing and am okay at it. It interests me, and its something different to try.

I found a great boxing workout to try today, and since my trainer is gone, I get to see if I can push myself a little bit… http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/3-powerful-boxing-workouts

Pain is temporary… (I just have to remind myself sometimes.)

Change is good…

I am happy to have experienced all that I have gone through in my 28 years. I have learned what I like, what I don’t like, and what I want out of life. Oddly enough, it’s not a man, a fancy car, or wealth. It is simply to be happy. Oh, and I want my dog there too. As long as we are happy, nothing else matters. It has taken me a while to realize what it is that will make me happy, but after countless tears, mistakes, and calls to my poor mother, I have decided that I need just a few things to make me happy. Here they are:

1. My dog Lucy

2. Warmth- sun and beautiful days

3. Color, from the land, my space, and me

4. A place to run

5. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches

6. My cell phone, mostly to call my mom

7. A job where I feel important and wanted

8. Netflix

That’s it. 8 things. An occasional piece of chocolate cake, a Starbucks, and  a car would help too, but I didn’t want to sound needy. 🙂

My Nervous Breakdown

As an athlete, I like to think that my body will tell me everything I need to know. If I ate too much, my body responds. If I haven’t had enough sleep, my body response. If I am under too much stress, my body responds. I can’t get away with treating myself badly. I am also a massive Type A personality, so I try to control everything I possibly can. I’ve been anorexic before…I do not respond well to stressors.

Lately, I have been under major stress. Like shoot yourself in the head to get it over with stress. Yesterday, I broke. I had an anxiety attack. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath. I wanted to vomit. Everything just came to a head. Today, I feel better about the situation, but I have an awful head cold! It just doesn’t pay to be under so much stress. It’s not good! You pay consequences. I know better than to hold all my feelings in, but sometimes you feel totally alone. Sometimes you just want to leave and runaway.

I am trying to pull myself back together. Marathon training starts today, and I am very excited about it. I want to run. I want to feel healthy, and I want to be the person I dream of becoming… Only I can make it happen.