I am so happy to be engaged. I want to marry Chas, and I want to start our lives together, but ever since we got engaged, I have felt more depressed than I think I almost ever have. The overwhelming feeling that I have with all that I have to do at work, plus the added stress and pressure of planning a wedding makes me dread life a little bit. I have multiple problems with planning a wedding:

1. I don’t want a reception. The reasons for this are two fold.

• I don’t dance, I hate it, won’t do it, and don’t want to.
• I don’t drink.

2. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I hate feeling like I am inconveniencing people in any way, so thinking that people are rearranging their lives for my wedding is something that is extremely bothersome.

3. I have about 0 friends, and Chas has like 1 million, so the event of making an invite list highlights this fact to no end.

I have this strange feeling of wanting to be left alone and wanting to be talking to someone at all times. Unfortunately, I still feel alone, even when I am with someone. Its not fun. I can’t shake it. But the only thing that has changed in my situation is the addition of an engagement ring.

It all basically comes down to this. I want to be excited to plan my wedding. I don’t want to completely dread it like I am now. This is supposed to be a fun, memorable time, and I am hating it.

Oh, and if anyone actually reads these things, please don’t comment with something like, “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad.” I will literally come to your house and kick your ass. Don’t waste your energy, and don’t come back to my blog. It’s called my blog for a reason. Enough of that rant…

Regardless of how stressed and depressed I feel, my runs keep seeming to get better, and that is one thing that I can’t be upset about.