It’s like duct tape for your body.

Over the past week, I ran a staggering 42 miles—my longest week ever. That’s right, folks, I’m basically an Olympian now. Good for me! But as I trotted along the roads and trails, I couldn’t help but gather a collection of observations that range from mildly amusing to outright absurd. Naturally, I feel compelled to share them with you. So, here goes:

1. Asian Men and Hot Pink: A Love Story

Let me preface this by saying I am not an expert in fashion trends, but it seems that hot pink is having a moment among Asian men—or at least the ones who frequent my running route. On Sunday’s long run, I spotted not one but two men sporting hot pink. The pièce de résistance was one gentleman wearing wind pants with hot pink stripes down the side, paired with red high-top Nikes. Yes, red. Because why not double down on clashing colors? Oh, and he was smoking a cigarette while strolling casually in this ensemble, which somehow made the whole scene even more surreal. It’s like he woke up and thought, “Today’s vibe is rebellious disco meets casual athleticism.”

2. Miley Cyrus: Unexpected Muse

Here’s something I never thought I’d say: Miley Cyrus saved me at mile 19 of a 20-mile run. Her song “We Can’t Stop” came on my playlist, and for reasons I still can’t fully explain, it felt like the most profound anthem of human endurance ever written. For about three glorious minutes, Miley was my spirit guide, urging me forward with her oddly motivational lyrics. Then reality hit—I realized what I was thinking and burst out laughing mid-run. Cue dirty looks from—you guessed it—the man in hot pink wind pants. Life is a vicious cycle.

3. Santa Clara Needs Me (and My Ticket-Writing Skills)

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from running through my neighborhood, it’s that parking violations are rampant here. On Sunday alone, during my 20-miler, I counted 43 cars parked illegally—most of them blocking fire hydrants like it’s some kind of trendy new pastime. If the City of Santa Clara wants to rake in some serious cash, they should deputize me as their parking enforcer. Imagine me sprinting from car to car with a ticket book in hand—justice served at marathon pace.

4. Safeway at 5:00 AM: A Runner’s Paradise

There’s a Safeway across the street from my apartment that opens at the ungodly hour of 5:00 AM—a fact I discovered when I realized I was short on gels before my long run. Let me tell you, grocery shopping at dawn is an experience like no other. The aisles were empty, the checkout line nonexistent, and the only challenge was dodging the occasional weird look from employees wondering why someone in running gear was buying nothing but energy gels and KT Tape at sunrise.

5. Talking Makes Miles Disappear

Between miles 12 and 14, I employed what I like to call my “life lines”—essentially phoning a friend to distract myself from the monotony of running endless miles. First up was my mom, who gamely chatted with me for about a mile despite my breathless replies. Then came Chas (a friend who tolerates my mid-run ramblings). It turns out that having someone to talk to makes those miles fly by—though I suspect they’d rather not hear me wheezing into their ear next time.

6. KT Tape: The Miracle Worker

If duct tape is the universal fix-it tool for objects, KT Tape is its equivalent for the human body. Knees? Fixed. Feet? Good as new. Random aches and pains? Slapped some tape on them and carried on like nothing happened. At this point, I’m convinced KT Tape could mend a broken heart if applied correctly.

And that’s all for now because—shockingly—I have to go work for a living instead of running another marathon around town or ticketing rogue parkers. This week’s mileage goal is only 20 miles (a mere jog compared to last week), but rest assured there will be more absurd observations to come by week’s end. Stay tuned!